candid Uncategorized

Now is your life

Well hi.

It’s been a… while (what is time?).

Patreon and Twitter followers might know that I had some personal stuff come up in October and then life has happened and now I’m in the midst of moving stress as we prepare to leave Brisbane where we have lived for the last two years and move back to Sydney.

And I keep thinking “It’s fine! After all this settles down then I’ll get on top of everything again”

Which… is something I’ve thought a LOT of times. And I wonder if that’s something you think too. It’s so easy to get stuck in Treading Water sure that it’s just a matter of waiting out THIS latest hiccup, drama, setback, crisis, change, period, school holidays to begin, school holidays to end, for something to start, for something to end for that significant day, week or month… and that then when things get back to my normal life THAT is when I’ll make a real effort to get back on track. That’s when things will change. That’s when it will be easy. There isn’t much point before then while things are still chaotic. Still in flux. I just need to prepare myself so that when things calm down I’m ready to take advantage of it. Right?

But isn’t it funny how those “normal life” times don’t seem to happen very often? Or last very long?

I’m reminding myself again that “normal life” isn’t actually… normal. The chaotic life. Things being in flux. The migraines. The depression. The Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. The fatigue. The stress. The overwhelm… that’s normal. That’s my normal life.

I don’t need to prepare to pounce upon the fleeting moments of calm and non-crisis to take advantage of them. I need to use the fleeting moments of calm non-crisis time to prepare for the overwhelming stressful chaos of ‘normality’.

So here is where I am at:

I’m living in a city which is currently in Lockdown in order to prevent a coronavirus outbreak getting out of control. I’m preparing to move to a different city which didn’t sufficiently Lockdown and which already has a coronavirus outbreak getting out of control.

Side effects from my stimulants were messing with me and making everything worse so I’ve stopped them temporarily but can’t get an appointment with my psychiatrist at present. I’m getting migraines every second day. My son is both incredibly stressed and incredibly bored.

But this, right now, is my life. This is my normal.

And I need to work with that rather than pretending that a good nights sleep is going to make anything feel less stressful and overwhelming.

And maybe you do too?

Happy New Year.